62 replies to this topic

[Tubby]

1. Knock him the fuck out with a rolling pin.
2. Nail her, regardless of feelings... hard.
3. Post him a video tape of you sleeping with her, twice.

[way2lazy2care]

Maybe it burst open on impact, maybe the lid was open? Who gives a shit, it's not the main part of the story lol

it ruins my suspension of disbelief!

the whole story is false until I know why it ruined the bread...

[fhouse]

i got one of these for christmas from my aunt and ive never felt safer, any bitch tries to snap my neck he's spudded.

basically get a spud gun

if you're wondering she always gets me weird shit

do these hurt?

might get me one.

[Riddle]

Story time!!

So there I was in the bakery you know having a blast slicing bread and laughing my head off at my Manager who was crying in the corner because we had to throw out like $800 Worth of cakes, pasteries and other such crap because our cooler broke, when "Shit happened"

Back Story: This girl I work with Sarah, Recently had a kid last year and is now off maternity leave and is working at our quaint little bakery. She broke it off with her boyfriend who fathered her kid and he has been trying to get back together with her ever since saying "No I can make it up to you" etc etc. It has gotten so bad to the point he would call her multiple times during the day at work and sometimes be really violent about it, like throw a shit ton of our cookies to the floor Well he was banned from the store then. Sarah Also has a restraining order on him too

TODAY
He called looking for Sarah, quite a few time, on the third try he told my manager "GET SARAH ON THE FUCKING PHONE" and Hung up. My manager was like "lolwut?" and went on break. 20 Minutes Later he walks into the bakery.

"Sarah I need to talk to you"

"Jason I am at work, leave me alone"

"GET THE FUCK OUT HERE AND TALK TO ME"

He proceeded to throw a 2L bottle of raspberry cider (lol) at the bakery and that ruined my bread Anyways a lot of our clerks freaked out and managed to call ALL THE AVAILABLE STAFF IN THE STORE to the bakery because this guy was getting violent. He Disappeared before anything happened. Police showed up Long talks etc etc.

But enough about them. Lets talk about me

Anyways shortly after he called agian looking to talk to Sarah, And I told him

"Yeah She's on break she went to the 7/11 down the street" (we tried to lure him to the police who were there at the time...)

"I just talked to her dad he said she is at work don't Fucking lie to me"

"I was just talking to her father and told him the same thing too-"

"whats your name again sorry?"

"This is Frederic" (Never give out your real name to a man who is possibly drunk, lovesick, and willing to hurt you. I knew I shouldn't of but I did)

"Yeah well listen here Frederic, I know what you look like and I know where you work, you better quit your fucking lying" (anyone who knows me knows that I am 100% honest and will tell your girl she looks fat in that dress )

"Sir - She IS ON BREAK and she told me to meet you at 7/11- "

"Frederic Lemme tell you something I like killing and death. I also like Punching things. I like punching them reeeaal hard. I get off on that you know....."

"You know what I get off on? hanging up"

And I hung up.

30 seconds later another call comes and my supervisor takes it. My supervisor told me that he really wants to snap my neck. Fun stuff. So I grab another name tag "COLIN" it read. Stuck that on my shirt and talked to the police gave em details of my conversations with this man, and went back to slicing bread. In fear.

So please, if you ever have a kid with a woman/girl and you do break up, don't go as far as threatening her employees/friends and don't smash their windshields - There are better non-violent ways of getting her back. Unfortunately for some, that requires you to be sober.

kthx

Story time!!

so i was just minding my own business playing vid games and shit when my parents lawyer called me and informed me that if i ever wanted to have partial custody of my kid i would have to work shit out with my ex.

Back story: so a couple years back i was with this girl sarah who i happened to knock up. she ends up taking our kid and leaving me without a word. ive been fighting for partial custody over the child for about 6 months now but every time i try to get ahold of her she ignores me or argues about how shes to busy "to talk right now" (which is a lie. she works at a damn bakery ffs)

TODAY:
So i've been trying to get ahold of her. im past frustrated by this point and figure, what the hell, ill stop by and visit her at the shit hole job shes at and maybe we can work something out (her manager is a damn nazi and wont let me talk to her on the phone).

i show up and right off the bat she starts pulling the "I busy @ my bakery blah blah leave me alone" trick and i start getting pissed. i look around and notice there isnt shit for her to do, so i tell her to come out and talk with me. she keeps arguing about how she cant "just leave her job" for another 5 - 10 minutes before i finally come unglued and throw a 2L bottle of raspberry cider (shits delicious) all over the stale donuts they had out on display (at least it gave her lazy ass some actual work to do). i figured shits probably going to go down if i stay. so i, being the bigger man of course, walked away.

so a little while later i give her call figuring shes probably calm by now. some punk answered the phone and proceeded to tell me that shes down at the 7/11 on her break. Of course the shits a lie because i had just talked to her dad and he told me she was at work. so i call him out on the bullshit but he doesnt drop it. he keeps repeating that shes at the 7/11. btw, i wouldnt dout it if that little nazi manager called the cops and now they're trying to catch me for breaking my restraining order (long story)

anyways he keeps giving me this "sir" shit like a total douche, so i ask for his name. tells me its like fredrickson which is obvious bullshit.(which, stacked ontop his previous bullshit, was really gettin to me)

by this time i've pretty much redirected any anger i had about my ex dodging me all day to this little punk. which isnt something you want done. (I like killing and death. I also like Punching things. I like punching them reeeaal hard. I get off on that you know.....)

anyways the kid hangs up with some cocky remark about phone sex or masturbating or some stupid fuckin shit, i could tell he was attempting to be clever.

So as you can imagine im pretty pissed right now (and also drunk) and im wondering what do u guys think i should do to the kid? just rough him up or really give him a beating?

what would you guys do in my situation?

Woah.. whats next? the girl in the middle of this drama posting on purepwnage?

*eats popcorn*

[Brown_Cyclone]

How about not quoting the whole two godamn posts again?

*eats popcorn*

[Rob`]

do these hurt?

might get me one.

probably not, the one i got doesn't seem to work anyway lol

[Dirge]

I still want to know how he ruined your bread by throwing a bottle at your bakery...

He took a 2L bottle of Raspberry Cider, Whipped it over the Showcase into the bakery where it hit a table (It could have been the stack of cookie sheets too, I didn't see the thing exactly). THe bottle was punctured and sprayed Raspberry Cider all over my 3Korn Bread. That shit was on sale too! Luckily it wasn't selling too well that week. Oh, and he ruined some of my whole wheat bread packaging as well. Fun stuff. Also bread slicer was soaked ;__; So I had to wash that too.

1. Knock him the fuck out with a rolling pin.

Manly. We have a 26 inch (could be 28 inch) Cake knife. It looks like a Machete, but its a lot more dull. Just means you have to hack more

do these hurt?

might get me one.

I had one as a kid. Potatoes make Vodka. That thing shoots potatoes. What a waste.

some guy is all up onz and Dirgey was all "I JIZZED IN MY PANTS"

Fix'd

oh shi- wait! Not gonna bother editing it

He didn't show up to the bakery yesterday. I don't know if they found and arrested him or not, But I do know I'll still be wearing Colin's Name tag for a while. Thanks Colin, Whoever the fuck you are.

[g_pwnage]

tell me why you are afraid of this moron? Just clock him in the face, one good punch.

[Yozki]

I would understand the fear if the situation was happening here, but don't you have like... law there? like someone can't just threaten you.

EDIT. Oh and since when is everyone here a though motherfucker who just tell him to beat the guy?

[We3Tard]

Colin's Name tag

The smiles on that tie are fucking creepy.

[way2lazy2care]

He took a 2L bottle of Raspberry Cider, Whipped it over the Showcase into the bakery where it hit a table (It could have been the stack of cookie sheets too, I didn't see the thing exactly). THe bottle was punctured and sprayed Raspberry Cider all over my 3Korn Bread. That shit was on sale too! Luckily it wasn't selling too well that week. Oh, and he ruined some of my whole wheat bread packaging as well. Fun stuff. Also bread slicer was soaked ;__; So I had to wash that too.

closure...

/thread

[ArKonIte]

oh man I lol'd so much. You're a fucking awesome story teller!

Also, closure is a good song. By Chevelle.

FORGET CLOSURE

[P-Man]

[image]
Problem solved

I wouldn't recommend it, 50cal is an idiots weapon, big and shiny, but rubbish in a firelight due to the recoil. 22 would be ideal as they are virtually recoilless, though a 9 would be an easier option. Or get all old school and go 38 special.

[some dude]

I wouldn't recommend it, 50cal is an idiots weapon, big and shiny, but rubbish in a firelight due to the recoil. 22 would be ideal as they are virtually recoilless, though a 9 would be an easier option. Or get all old school and go 38 special.

22's are very shit
get a glock and go all rambo on his ass with all 18 bullets

[ST1DinOH]

Colin's Name tag

why the fuck don't you have sheets on your bed? thats bad for you skin and for your mattress

I wouldn't recommend it, 50cal is an idiots weapon, big and shiny, but rubbish in a firelight due to the recoil. 22 would be ideal as they are virtually recoilless, though a 9 would be an easier option. Or get all old school and go 38 special.

The quoted statement is one of which I entirely agree with, and thus I have integrated it within my own post to notify others that it suitably reflects my perspective on the issues raised in this thread. Though they are not my own words, they withhold the integrity of my thoughts and adequately represent, in textual form, my attitudes, values and beliefs and ultimately, my fundamental opinion, towards the topic's content, statements, questions and/or otherwise.

[Rob`]

The quoted statement is one of which I entirely agree with, and thus I have integrated it within my own post to notify others that it suitably reflects my perspective on the issues raised in this thread. Though they are not my own words, they withhold the integrity of my thoughts and adequately represent, in textual form, my attitudes, values and beliefs and ultimately, my fundamental opinion, towards the topic's content, statements, questions and/or otherwise.

i lol'd

and to add something to the discussion because otherwise id be spamming, stick it in his pooper

[Dohregard]

i lol'd

I am sorry, but spam is no longer acceptable on the Pure Pwnage forums. These forums are not for anyone with any kind of humor and or inability to write out there thoughts into more than quick line. Though I understand this change makes these forums appear snobbish, I would like to address the fact that it does not reflect the views of our Administrator (Xim) and the global mods (Dougie, Fasc, Mard, Myran), but rather the community as a whole.

You see, we are a civilized bunch, and even thought the show this forum was made for glorifies the quick one liners such as "u r a fag" and "lol" and "teh gay", we would rather appear more cultured.


The internet is no place for tom foolery, shenanigans, or any kind of "lulz".

[Dirge]

tell me why you are afraid of this moron? Just clock him in the face, one good punch.

Bigger. Stronger. Badder. Faster.

why the fuck don't you have sheets on your bed? thats bad for you skin and for your mattress

FLEEEEEEEEEAAAAS!

Thats another story in itself, but right now I've almost cured the problem Also my mattress is on the floor because my bed broke while moving it Still have to throw that out...


/Dirge'd

BACK ON TOPIC:

The bakery seems to be doing fine, But I haven't talked to Sarah in a while, I may stop by today and see how she's doing

Edited by Frost Fang, 13 January 2009 - 03:42 PM.

[SomeSlut]

Anyways Dirge, what you need to do to be victorious in this daring battle of manliness is to hook up with the broad. Buy a taser, take the girl out on a date. If he tries to confront you, taser him until he shits his pants or the batteries die. Then make his kid love you so much that it regrets its actual biological father. If you can, brainwash the kid into believing it was molested by him as a child. If you suceed, take the guy to court, get his ass thrown in jail as a registered sex offender. after hes in jail, mission success.

you can then dump her and move on with your life

Edited by Frost Fang, 13 January 2009 - 03:43 PM.

[Rob`]

bla bla bla

but you see i was not spamming at all and my post contained a very helpful suggestion, i obviously did not just edit it despite what it may say

edit:i just noticed it doesn't say "last edited by rob bla bla bla", im sure i remember seeing that on this forum before. oh well