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[pc] Tennis For Two Review

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11 replies to this topic

#1
xilef

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I got a phone call this morning from a gaming company that wishes to remain anonymous, they wanted professional opinion of a new gaming console that they have just created and so decided to phone me, the great, the awesome, Xilef©1992[All rights reserved] - Note: Content previously stated at risk of being a fabrication.
This anonymous company, also known as the BNL, sent me a package containing something "Valuable to your mighty gaming collection and sure to boost your leet haxorz skills" - Not quoted by William Higinbotham 2008.
So a week later I got a relatively small package in my post box, it was light enough to carry up the stairs to my flat so once I got it into my gaming room I tore the box to pieces in excitement, inside it was the TF2 oscilloscope 1958 model, I quickly set this monster-machine up in my room.


(The arrow is pointing the the monitor, enlarged to the bottom right.)

It played like a greased flute, the controller consisting of a simple turn dial and trigger button sat in my hands like holding the Half Life Anthology box, the experience had just as much content of the inside of the HLA box too.
The gameplay is much like a point and click adventure crossed with a sports game, imagine how a tennis game would be played with the SCUMM engine, you simply move the dial to point at an angle and press the button to fire the ball (Represented by a square) in that direction, once it crosses the net you can no longer fire the ball and have to rely on player two to return the shot.


In game video

As for graphics, they meet your expectations. Enough said.


I start the match

Will P2 return it?

No hope here!


The gamersquater Windows remake version has online IP play and against CPU play, it also uses a cursor instead of the dial. Click the image above for a download link and move info.

I suppose with a graphics update and some hard-core music this game could be something. I had a go and made this.


To sum this up, this game is no Team Fortress 2, but it was the first ever video game, before Pong even. You're probably better off playing Pong actually, or Team Fortress 2, or you could go outside and play real tennis, but with sports games around who'd want to do that?

Graphics - 1/10 - Atleast the graphics display something
Gameplay - 1/10 - Very dull and will probably send you to sleep
Multiplayer capabilities - 1/10 - Player two wouldn't fall asleep but fall into a coma
Online - 1/10 - Aslong as you know your IP you can do online with the new version
Sound - 1/10 - Simple beeps
Overall - 1/10 - It's just a really bad game for these modern standards

Edited by The Colonel, 06 August 2009 - 11:03 PM.


#2
UDP

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lol nice review icon_biggrin.gif

Sig1.jpg

Yeah, he doesn't understand. It's not your post count, it's MAKING YOUR POSTS COUNT!

 


#3
TheBlackOut

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Made of win.....

....

Also I will be avoiding this game.


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#4
xilef

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QUOTE (TheBlackOut @ May 3 2008, 06:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also I will be avoiding this game.

Actually if you were to download it, it would be a decent 30 seconds play for you and you'll know what video games were like in the 50's.

#5
TheBlackOut

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QUOTE (xilef @ May 3 2008, 12:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Actually if you were to download it, it would be a decent 30 seconds play for you and you'll know what video games were like in the 50's.

I prefer my 70 and 80's games... thanks... icon_razz.gif


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#6
KuroFalcon

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Hooray, I definately kept me at my toes icon_eek.gif

QUOTE (Mares @ Aug 22 2008, 08:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kuro is MY LOVABOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#7
xilef

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QUOTE (KuroFalcon @ May 4 2008, 09:14 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hooray, I definately kept me at my toes icon_eek.gif

What? That sentence made no sense?
Yahoo! He certainly kept your feet on my roof.

#8
KuroFalcon

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QUOTE (xilef @ May 4 2008, 07:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What? That sentence made no sense?
Yahoo! He certainly kept your feet on my roof.

Yeah I had nothing else to say.

Get your damn bike of my lawn.

QUOTE (Mares @ Aug 22 2008, 08:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
kuro is MY LOVABOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


#9
Brown_Cyclone

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Genious



#10
xilef

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QUOTE (Brown_Cyclone @ May 4 2008, 10:43 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Genious

TY for the positive feedback on a clearly mock-game review. I have reviewed TF2 to the core I believe. The core being pretty darn deep inside resistors and wires as that was what the console was made up off.

#11
macintosh

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QUOTE (xilef @ May 8 2008, 08:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
TY for the positive feedback on a clearly mock-game review. I have reviewed TF2 to the core I believe. The core being pretty darn deep inside resistors and wires as that was what the console was made up off.

That is possibly the best line the forums has seen this year. I want it to win the best quote forum awards. THAT is how good it is.

#12
xilef

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QUOTE (macintosh @ May 12 2008, 04:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That is possibly the best line the forums has seen this year. I want it to win the best quote forum awards. THAT is how good it is.

wth Mac?
'twasn't that good. I was saving it for more responses, but it's apparent that no one on PP likes TF2 or are interested in the history of gaming. Shame.




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