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"Harming You" -- A poem I wrote

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#1
063 Abra

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I kind of suck at poetry, but this is something I wrote. It's as good as any other poem I've written, which is like 5 total, so give it a look if you don't mind and you have a spare 30 seconds.

"Harming You"

So you believe?
As they feed you lies?
As you pay the tithes?
As they sew your eyes?
To other views?
To other opinions?

If it does not agree,
Must they know?
Why not just tell them,
That it’s harmful,
To hear the blasphemy
Of skeptics?

They know it’s wrong,
They know you’re weak
And gullible,
And unlearned,
So why not?
Why not glean what they can?

Why not close your mind?
Why not sew your eyes?
Why not brainwash you?
But you’re not a fool,
You see the truth,
But it’s “harming you”.
Always up for Gen IV Pokemon battling and trading - just shoot me a PM.

#2
Kuassi

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I like it a lot. I'm not too knowledgeable of poetry, but I think the "flow" could use work in the 2nd verse, and the last 3 lines of the 4th verse. Despite those minor things, it was a great poem. Hope you'll post more icon_smile.gif



#3
Pawnator

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Counterspell!



#4
etpmatt

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Very nice pp_smiley4.gif

#5
etpmatt

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Sry double post lag -.-

#6
063 Abra

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Thanks guys!
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#7
Lord Kabab

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Pretty good.

oh and btw Kuassi, there calles Stanza's, not verse's

#8
fhouse

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not bad. kind of dark though. i like it. 7.5/10.



#9
iEnv˙

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I had a line of weird thoughts when it came to "sew your eyes".. Ugh, gory. Nice poem though!
Don't click this shit.

#10
Tree_

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Mmm, I liked it. It's rather dark but at the same time I find it quite beautiful.

#11
Fasckira

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Its good, but I'd say it reads more like a song. The flow between stanzas and the shortness of each line would perfectly into some emo song. icon_wink.gif
I do it like it though, nice imagery and word use. pp_smiley4.gif

#12
Anton Chigurh

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Trent Reznor cornered the market on this type dreary evocation. Not trying to be overly critical; I did read it. I think you could push the internal envelope alot harder and make something that pours your guts out and feels honest. You wouldn't have posted this if you didn't want an audience, so use the audience criticism constructively.
"As the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough. "






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