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'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the cyberspaces,
Not a server was whirring, drives still in their places;
The bansticks were macro'd by admins with care,
In hopes that Hackerwacker soon would be there;
The members were posting all up in dem sections,
While visions of trolljobs gave Airsniper
arousals;
And Xim in his chair, and Weiman the Giraffe,
Had just settled down for a Christmas Eve nap.
When over in GD there arose such a spammer,
I sprang from Zero Hour to watch the noob get banhammered;
To the net display window I flew like a flash,
Logged into the forums after checking on Bash;
The text and the set of the PP forum skin,
Shone red, yellow, and black upon my pen bin.
When, what to my wondering eyes should upload,
But an image in .jpg, and a new thread to behold;
With a fat man spread wide, O, what could it be?
I knew in a moment it must be Goatse.
More vapid pr0n pixels as I scrolled down the screen,
And four lines of text set below the obscene:
"Now this is the story all about how,
My life got flipped, turned upside down;
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there,
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called bel-air."
Like a fail monsoon, the topic comments did fly,
When members' eyes met the sight of that bent-over guy.
And swift to the topic, the mods, they ascended,
To see that the failstrom soon would be ended.
And then, with a blip, I heard MSN messenger,
Announce I'd been texted by a fellow named Blesenger.
As I drew up the convo, and Bles's display pic,
The alias named "Bles" I knew in a tick.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his flank,
And his clothes were all tarnished from everyday wank;
A Mario hat he had shopp'd to his head,
And his mustache combed smoother than the finest of threads.
His eyebrow was raised in a questioning frame,
Was he Irish or Scottish? Who cares, they're the same!
He said to me, slyly, "have you been to the forums?"
"Haha!" I replied, "Your topic's changed the decorum!"
We enjoyed conversation across the net wires,
Until, finally, my friend began to tire;
He told me, "Pawnator, it's that time of year,
For me to return to my scabbis so dear,
But, fear not! Because, every once and a while,
I'll visit the forums to post something vile."
"Goodbye then, dear Boyce," I warmly replied,
"Until you return to your place by my side."
And with that he logged off, and alone I returned,
To see if, in my absence, the forums had burned.
Imagine, now, my surprise, when I went to that topic
With that old meme in .jpg, as wide as a rocket,
To find it unlocked, and its poster unbanned!
Boyce's alias given, for Christmas, a day's pardoning hand.
In a final reply, in the topic's last post:
"Happy Pwnage to all, from your generous host!"
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