All except... Slept with Stacey...
I knew you had a lot to drink before it turned into an orgy, but I had no idea you blacked out everything that night! I guess you don't remember what ended up happening between you, allison, and econojon... prolly best you forgot that, really. Jenny made me promise never to mention it again
Feeling nostalgic, I just rewatched Season 1 of the webseries (the only part of pp that counts), and realized... you were not destroyed in a proper micro battle! In micro battles, the enemy is vaporized. You, on the other hand, were choked to death by your keyboard cord! JEREMY MURDERED YOU!!!!
This would explain why teh_pwnerer drove off so fast, and was in such a hurry to return to Canada