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Is "love" Enough?

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#1
BILLY AGE 8

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So, I've been having some internal struggles as of late.

Mainly it involves a relationship with a girl.

I don't know if anyone will respond, and i wouldn't hold it against anyone for trolling or not caring, but i need to get it off of my chest.

If you don't want to read my rant that i just typed, because it's quite lengthy, skip to the end and read my questions.

so, here goes...

I've been dating a girl ever since the beginning of July. Lets just say that the first time i met her i wasn't into her, in fact i found her annoying. But what happened was that i didn't have a friend who i could contact or would contact me for an entire month. (may have been partially my fault) but the last time i saw this girl, i told her that i would definitely hang out again some time. Me being a nice guy accepted her facebook friend request. I ignored/avoided her after she annoyed me so much through the fb chat. Eventually 3-4 months later i messaged her, and set up a time to chill. I went over, and we talked about a lot of similar interests, and her weird immature personality actually clicked with mine. One month later we made our relationship official. However, only after she pressured it to happen. Over the months my friends ended up, somehow, disliking her completely. I found out that she had infiltrated my circle of friends that all lived out of state. And she was sending waves of awkward and almost pre highschoolish texts to everyone. They all ended up avoiding and ignoring her. My mom, as i was living at home still, hated her. And almost used her health condition (crohn's disease) as an excuse for me to dump her. Still no reason to dump her, i liked her and she liked me. My good friend moved down from our home town to go to the same college as me. We found an apartment, and he was scared to meet my girlfriend. He was afraid that she would be just like how she was in text. At first he would tell everyone that she is a lot better in person. But over time i felt that fade. Over time my family warmed up to her, and still, i felt dislike. The thing with this girl is that things deteriorated with her health condition, she couldn't hold a job, and she fell deeper and deeper in love with me. As i slowly felt myself falling for her too. Eventually i broke because of her saying she loves me all the time, i couldn't just not say it back anymore, it was months that she would say it and i wouldn't say anything. But i finally said it back, but i resented it the moment i said it. So a couple weeks later i told her that i couldn't keep saying it because i didn't know if i really meant it. But as soon as i took it away i resented that. I didn't know where my feelings stood. It was another month until i told her that i regretted ever taking it back, that i realized that i really do love her. But like i said as things deteriorated with her health, and family problems arose, she became more and more irritable, but i've put up with it due to the fact that i care about her so much.

So, we've been dating six months +, and i know that's not all that long. But I told her that i would rather not even want to think about marriage until i'm 24 or 25, even then, it's a maybe. But she's the kind of girl who could get married right now, and start her family of 8 kids as soon as possible. But she respects my decision however much she complains how long i am making her wait. But that's the problem, she is banking on me eventually marrying her, it's not part of my plan, but its also NOT not part of my plan. I'm just going through college, going through life, working and school takes up 80% of my life, the rest is split between eating, sleeping and my roommate and her.

This is where it gets to me. My roommate has already expressed his dislike of her, he is pretty much my best friend at the moment. He doesn't hate her, but he doesn't like being around her. Which isn't much better. My mom has started to dislike her too. I've picked up vibes from plenty of people such as when i went to my mom's for sunday dinner one day, my little sister 14 years old, asked if i was going to stay for dinner. Then she added "just you?", i said yes, and then she said "yay!". I asked why that's yay, and she paused and said "... because my older brother is going to be here." My roommate, straight up said, "I hate how ungrateful she is for you, how bossy she is to you, and how much she complains" At the time i told myself, "he doesn't see the whole thing, she bosses in a joking way according to things that he wasn't there for, and so it's funny to us. And a lot of what she complains about is her health, it's hard having crohn's but not having the thousands to pay for a 2 month subscription of medication that will somewhat make life a little more comfortable. But she is also not ungrateful, she says thankyou for a whole lot of stuff, infact very little stuff does she not show gratitude to me." And today, i was hanging out with some good friends i don't get to see often, and one of them has only met her once, and my roommate jokingly said that my girl should come chill, and my other friend said "NO!!!..... I mean.... yeah, that would be great....."

On top of all of this, my girlfriend is not just immature anymore, she straight up juvenile, she posts on facebook at least 5 times a week, "I HAVE THE BEST BF EVAR!!!!!" It's fine, but annoying still. She's also flipped a bitch over some very slight things. For example, lets just say some people were being annoying around her, and she texted me saying so. I simply texted back and said "don't let them get to you." Simple and good advice on my part i believed, but she flipped out, and eventually said she wanted to break it off. But the thing is, is this wasn't the first time, and i told my self after the last one, that if she goes this crazy again over a very little thing, that i wouldn't have it anymore. She broke it off, and i said "fine" I added some caring comments, just to make sure she knows that i love her, and that i want the best for her. She completely shot them down. But 2 hours later she was crawling back with apologies, and i couldn't resist.

Another thing is that i feel our relationship isn't enough, relationship. I feel that whenever i have something i want to say, she isn't there for me, but expects me to listen to every little thing she has to say, every little problem, which i don't care, i am a great listener and i enjoy it. But when i have an opinion she usually doesn't like it and shoots it down, or gets bitchy on me. The only thing that i feel she wants to do when i am with her is cuddle or sexy time it up. I liked that at first, and i was fine with it, because we had a balance, and that is a very important part of relationship. But now, it seems that we do all our talking through text or phone, and even then, not meaningful stuff. And when i am with her, she just wants to go to bed. I have had very few meaningful conversations with her, but then again i haven't had many of those in the past year at all. But i feel that if i were to have that relationship with anyone my girlfriend should be able to have that kind of conversational, bonding type with me. The further i go into it, the less i find we fit together, other than i am extremely patient, and she is extremely impatient, so i work with that fine, even though she wants to break stuff off right as soon as some problem comes up. On top of that, i don't even feel i can flirt with her all that much, because she gets irritable, and because she doesn't like a lot of my sarcasm and jokes. She doesn't like my movies, she doesn't like my music, she likes video games, but only a few, and gets annoyed when i want to play my games, which i barely get to do anyway. But she has gotten better at putting up with all of that stuff.

I'm doing my best to help her in life, because she is so dependant on her family and everything. She can barely keep a job due to her health condition, but i am encouraging her to do so. She is going to college now to try and do something with her life, however i feel that she's just doing it to humor me. I'm worried that when she has kids she is just going to try and do the stay at home mom thing. Which i remind her that almost no one can do that these days. She doesn't seem to try to help herself with her health condition, i am constantly reminding her what she can and can't eat. She doesn't seem to have any drive to become an independent individual. She is always leaning on someone, and it's usually a very bad person to lean on. She has no life skills, she doesn't know how to cook things other than in the microwave, she doesn't know how to add a negative number in her low level math class. But all this is stuff she is working on, and she is doing better and better. But even so, i still can't shake some unnerving feelings i am getting about our relationship.

I want to let it be known, that i really do love this girl deeply. I really care about her, and we have had moments together that mean the world to me. I don't know, however, if i want to spend my life with this girl. It's still to be decided. A lot of what i have said is negative. But there is so much more positive to be said. It's just so hard for me to write positive things. I'm such a pessimist.

SO HERE IS MY QUESTION, or rather, HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS!

If you truly love and care about someone, is that enough? Is it enough to carry the relationship, even though you are noticing some major life differences coming up?

also...

If it seems that you love someone, but everyone around you doesn't like her, how much do you let that influence your relationship? I try not to, but it's so hard to love to be with someone, when you know that when you are with her, no one else that you love wants to be around.

#2
raw_genesis

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I had too google crohn's disease.

I have to say, even though I can tell that in your description of her you tried to keep it kinda positive she still comes across as a total bitch and someone that you could not maintain a long relationship with. If you think she seems bad or annoying now only after 6 months think about 6 years. Your family and friends are probably right with their opinion of her tbh.

QUOTE (Shaun. @ Apr 28 2009, 09:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
AAAAA+++++++++++++++ GREAT SERVICE AND GOOD PACKAGE. WOULD BANG AGAIN

#3
ThrashTitan

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I had a girlfriend like this. Not trying to make you feel bad, but it was in highschool. She was exactly like this. I felt like you did at the time. I broke up with her when my friend finally told me outright what he thought of her and what she was doing to me. Looking back now, he was right. Like genesis said; your family and friends are probably right. Being in love makes you blind; you ignore the fact she is a fucking psycho and a major idiot because when she holds your hand you smile.

To answer your question; I must ask a question.

Is she your friend? Not a mate or a pal type friend, but is she one of your best friends? If not, you wont be able to progress when you are harboring feelings like this, and when those feelings are gone there sure as hell wont want to even be there. Love fades. Friendship stays. That is what has pulled my current relationship through shit; being able to sit down and play a game together as friends.
QUOTE (spiri7ussancti @ Jun 13 2011, 11:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would like to clarify that I am indeed trolling in this particular thread.

QUOTE (spiri7ussancti @ Jun 8 2011, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
FIRST OF ALL. ur stupid, me and my friends have a name for kids like you we meet in pub games. We call them "new age gamer"

#4
Drunken

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Well ,
You know all the answers and youre just afraid of the next step.

Seriously,
1. Do it.
2. Feel like shit for a month or more.
3. Be happy again.



postspenis9jeyn8bf3mj6nsj5.jpg
 


#5
Karko

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QUOTE (raw_genesis @ Jan 29 2011, 08:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I had to google crohn's disease.

Same.

Thrash and Raw have pretty much summed up my thoughts on it. Agreed 100%.

Though.. there's one exception and I have to ask... Does she enjoy anal?

If she does then ignore everyone else and marry the girl, she's a keeper.

Second. Worst. Signature. Ever.
Expecting something witty? Herp derp tiddlerp.

#6
BILLY AGE 8

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anal...

such a typical forum response, lol

No... she has straight up told me that she WILL NOT try anal, even though i haven't even asked. haha

I'm actually glad that posted this, not because of the answers, but because it really helped straighten my thoughts out. Thanks for the input so far.

But i think i am in agreeance for the most part. I'm sure what my family is seeing is from a better perspective. And thinking about marrying this girl, i realize that if things are going this way now, they are gonna be way worse in the future.

The only thing that really changes me from doing anything is that i really do like this girl. And we have, occasionally, really really good times together. My friends all seem to disapprove. But the type of girl that my roommate would date, i would NOT date. The type of girl my mom would want me to date, I would NOT date. It's just the fact that they all don't like her, or want to be around her that much. I dunno, we have some things we are doing together over the next month. I'm sure some time soon, i'll be saying something that will piss her off and start another situation. And if that happens, i'm definitely going to break it off. If not, i'll find a time to do it. I still want to give her time and a chance. I guess i'm probably just afraid of it, but I've never liked a girl this much before. So that's why it's so hard for me.

Maybe i'll go with what she wanted last time, and that's a break from eachother. Maybe that'll work. The thing that i do appreciate with this girl is that she thinks i need to date more girls to find out what i want, and i agree completely and so do my roommate and mom. And this is probably the reason that she has wanted to break it so many times but couldn't. She's probably just can't let go whenever she tries. So, definitely next time it happens it will be an official break. If not a complete break-up.

#7
Karko

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Hey, it's a solid foundation for any relationship.

A wondrous, sometimes stinky but altogether magical one.

Anyway good luck with it, will probably feel shit for a while but long term it's probably for the best.

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Expecting something witty? Herp derp tiddlerp.

#8
Patchy

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I'm definitely not the expert on relationships - one night stands or having casual sex for a while is cheaper and more fulfilling.

That being said, I just have to point some stuff out:

When you find a girl initially annoying, and avoid her for four months, she probably isn't the best girl to get involved with.

And you almost sound surprised that your family and friends can't stand her, even though you said it yourself: she's annoying and juvenile.

You've been dating for 6 months, which is my longest 'relationship' but is a blink of the eye in relationship land. If you're having thoughts like this you're wasting your time, and her time. And it's really not fair to either of you go keep the charade up. You'll feel bad for a bit, but then you won't.

As for letting what others think of your significant other influence the relationship, if everyone I give a shit about (friends, family) hated my girlfriend then I think I need to take a big step back and seriously analyze what is wrong with my girlfriend (like you're doing). I generally keep pretty sane company, and I respect my family and friends opinions because they're good opinions. If they see a problem, there is likely a problem.

tl:dr your girlfriend sounds like a basket case, and just by posting here it's obvious you're having second thoughts. Once someone has second thoughts in a relationship, it might as well be over to be fair to both parties.
I'm right behind you, Mr. Denton.

#9
BILLY AGE 8

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Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's going to end soon. I just really needed to vent last night, and now my thoughts are organized and i have analyzed my situation pretty well. You all really helped my thoughts, thanks.

#10
Emotive

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i'm agreeing with Thrash. i had a girlfriend exactly like this. she was immature, annoying to my friends, probably half annoying to me even; we basically remained together on sex. and then eventually it came down to >> "i think i need to break up with you." "... why?" "because to be honest you're kind of shitty and juvenile to people including me and i don't want that."

#11
Andrack

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QUOTE (Drunken @ Jan 29 2011, 08:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well ,
You know all the answers and youre just afraid of the next step.

Seriously,
1. Do it.
2. Feel like shit for a month or more.
3. Be happy again.

tl;dr for me but what this guy said seems good.

#12
otaku_4_life

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I thought I was on the PP forums, not /adv/.

AKA:
QUOTE (Karko @ Aug 21 2011, 07:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
that 12 year old canadian kid who used to play BF2 before going to WoW and becoming addicted

#13
ShiZ

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QUOTE (otaku_4_life @ Jan 30 2011, 02:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I thought I was on the PP forums, not /adv/.


Are you really going to complain about an active thread on PP these days? anyway, it is in the general forum..

Billy, I think you know as much as everyone else it's a doomed relationshit. You can care for someone and still know breaking up is the best course of action.. it's just that initial leap you need to make.
It seems the only thing going for you two is that you 'love' her, would you agree that's what is keeping you together and not the fact you enjoy her as a GF?

I know it's so much easier for me to say this than you actually doing it, but as everyone else has said.. it's time to move on and try rectify your life in regards to your friends etc.

#14
otaku_4_life

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QUOTE (ShiZ @ Jan 31 2011, 09:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Are you really going to complain about an active thread on PP these days?

That's like asking if I'm going to complain about getting AIDS after only catching colds.

Edited by otaku_4_life, 31 January 2011 - 11:48 PM.


AKA:
QUOTE (Karko @ Aug 21 2011, 07:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
that 12 year old canadian kid who used to play BF2 before going to WoW and becoming addicted

#15
Henrydavies

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Yes love is enough. My thinking about the Love is the person who gets love in life, gets everything.

#16
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Love turns to hate, hate turns to anger, anger turns to suffering.

#17
Joby

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Weird seeing a thread like this that isn't started by me.
QUOTE (Plasmic Fury @ Oct 30 2010, 04:36 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
brb not picking up any woman

A completely unbiased review...

#18
ThrashTitan

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QUOTE (Henrydavies @ Feb 2 2011, 01:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yes love is enough. My thinking about the Love is the person who gets love in life, gets everything.



QUOTE (Ganonheart @ Feb 2 2011, 03:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Love turns to hate, hate turns to anger, anger turns to suffering.

Yes henry, they DO get everything as GH demonstrates.
QUOTE (spiri7ussancti @ Jun 13 2011, 11:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would like to clarify that I am indeed trolling in this particular thread.

QUOTE (spiri7ussancti @ Jun 8 2011, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
FIRST OF ALL. ur stupid, me and my friends have a name for kids like you we meet in pub games. We call them "new age gamer"

#19
Ack Attack

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There have been enough in-depth responses in this thread.

Allow me to supply an obligatory summary.

#20
Defiled

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My brother has crohn's disease quite badly but he can keep a job and he never bitches about it.

Dump her.

Edited by Defiled, 02 February 2011 - 03:15 PM.





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